


Mortimer and The Blushing Virgin

by geeky_ramblings



Series: The Adventures of Mortimer the Unicorn [1]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Magical Creatures, Unicorns, so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 08:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15530043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geeky_ramblings/pseuds/geeky_ramblings
Summary: It's been a thousand years since he's seen one.





	Mortimer and The Blushing Virgin

It had been awhile — a thousand years,vif Mortimer was counting correctly, since he had seen an actual virgin. Magic might have just come back to the world but Mortimer had been roaming around way before the Legends had screwed up for the fifth millionth and he could testify to the disturbing lack of people of the virgin persuasion. For a unicorn of his caliber, it was a sad state of affairs that a magnificent creature such as himself had been lacking a companion since he was born — that was until he met Gary Green.

Mortimer had been questioning his purpose in life until Gary strolled into his forest walking hand in hand with a creature so foul, he could stand his human being near such a defiler. In fact if Mortimer left Gary in the hands of this John Constantine fellow, he was quite sure that he would have to find a new human. Do you know how hard it is to find a virgin of Gary’s age and innocence in the 21st century — let’s just say it’s pretty damn hard.

So Mortimer did what any good unicorn in his position would do and cock blocked the hell out of them. Oh, he gave John points for trying everything in the book but Gary was still as pure as the driven snow. That was until Mortimer got into Lucky the Leprechaun’s stash of the good stuff. Look it had been awhile since he had a drink and after spending close to a year protecting Gary’s virtue, Mortimer decided he could use a little break, plus Lucky’s rum was the stuff that dreams were made of — seriously it was actually make of Leprechaun dream. You would have to be a fool to turn that down, which Mortimer obviously didn’t.

Unfortunately, while the unicorn is away, the mice will play. Mortimer had been on his four barrel of rum, which he so generously decided to share with the colorful human known as Mick, when John made his move on Gary. They had made their way to Constantine’s quarters on the Waverider as Mick talk Mortimer’s dragon friend Tad Cooper into becoming his pet.

By the time Mortimer had gotten over his hang over, Gary had spend the night fucking Constantine and was no longer an asset to the unicorn. Which mean that not only was Mortimer out of a human but his dragon friend was gone as well. Tad had decided join Mick on his journey. Blast Lucky and his alcohol — now Mortimer would have to wait another couple of years for another virgin. Oh, well at least he still had his rum.


End file.
